Awaiting for Keeli
As the days approached for us to meet Keeli, I had found out at this time that Keeli was breech. I was debating the best way to go about giving birth to her. I was given 2 options at the doctor's office:
- Option 1: have them do an external version. In other words, have two doctors push and pull on my belly to try and get Keeli to flip.
- Option 2: have a c-section.
I really didn't like the option of either one. I remember taking to my friend Sara about this multiple times, as she went through the same thing a couple months before me. Kent and I finally came to the conclusion that having a C-section was going to be the best option. I was not for them pushing and pulling on my belly at all! I had also heard many horror stories, so i really didn't want to go there.
So it was decided, we were going to have a C-section. It was really nice to know when we were going to meet our new bundle of joy and that way we could be sure to have family there with us. My biggest fear was that I was going to be sliced open! I had never had any major surgery before, just mouth surgeries. Now I was going to let them slice all the way through me. I was assured when I realized how many times the doctor had done this and that it happens quite frequently.
Next was the fear of becoming a parent. I felt completely inadequate to be a mom. I had no idea what I was doing, and they were going to just let me take her home without much prep. Were they crazy?!? Probably. Obviously everything went smoothly and we had a healthy baby girl.
The main thing for me was not knowing what to expect. I knew I was going to be the best dad I could be, but I just didn't know what exactly that meant. I didn't know how to be a dad. I didn't know how to take care of a baby. I really had no idea what to expect. I knew she would change our lives forever, but I had no idea in what way.
Because we had a scheduled C-Section, we knew when it was going to happen. We didn't know what to expect, but we knew exactly when to expect it. This made things easy as we prepared our home, scheduled family to come, and worked out church (work) schedules and coverage. Knowing when it was going to happen made things EASY.
Round 2 (Kellen)
With Kellen, it is quite the opposite. We know what to expect but don't know when. Well, we don't know exactly what to expect, we haven't been through the natural birthing process before, and we have never had 2 kids before, but in general, we have much more confidence that we will be able to handle it. We don't have the "clueless" and "unprepared" feelings we had with Keeli. We are ready for kid #2, we know how to arrange schedules around a baby, we can make this work. (and are excited to!)
What is so different is not knowing when it is going to happen. The anticipation is killing me! Even though there are some things in the home we want to get done before he comes (we aren't completely settled into our new home), I just want him to be here. I'm tired of waiting. It is so hard to make ministry plans for the next three or four weeks because I can't commit to anything. I have already set up people to be "on-call" for everything I am supposed to do the next three weeks. I'm working ahead in writing lessons for youth group in case someone else has to do it last minute. There is a retired pastor preparing a sermon for May 25 in-case I am not able to be there to preach. I can't commit to helping with VBS because I don't know if I'm available... The list goes on. The point is, we just don't know.
I love being able to control my schedule. I can handle making adjustments and planning around kids. What I'm not good at is not knowing. I don't like not being in control of my schedule. I don't like not knowing when Kellen is going to come, but I am waiting in eager expectation for him to arrive! Can't wait to have a baby boy!!
As we approach the end of this pregnancy, I am getting way more aches and pains than I had with Keeli. My guess is because he is head down. A lot of different aches and pains. Braxton Hicks contractions feel completely different this time around. When pregnant with Keeli, I had no idea I was having contractions. It felt as though Keeli was stretching really hard into my ribs! This time I am feeling what they are supposed to feel like, cramps and back pain. It also has been quite different in the sense that I can't take a nap whenever I want to. I have an almost 2 year-old that I have to chase around. This pregnancy feels completely different.
I am excited that I am going to be able to try to have a natural birth. Before, once you had a C-section, you had to have a C-section. There was no trying to have succeeding births naturally. There is still a lot to consider with a VBAC (vaginal birth after Cesarean), but it looks as though things will work, as long as Kellen doesn't get too big.
Since we have moved here to Colorado, having family come out at the last minute isn't really ideal. So things are looking quite different. Since we already have a child, what are we going to do with Keeli if I go into labor at 3 o'clock in the morning? Who should I call? These type of questions always pop into my head and I can't help but think about what to do if something like this happens. I know everything will work out in the end, but its still hard not to worry myself with these thoughts. It would be so much easier if family lived closer, so they could be here in a flash, but that obviously isn't going to happen, when the closest relative lives 9 hrs away, and that's a sibling.
Even though there are so many things up in the air: timing, who's going to watch Keeli, how is Keeli going to handle me not being at home with her, etc; I know that God has everything under control. I don't need to worry about these things. I need to look ahead at the miracle that is about to happen, I'm going to have a baby! That in itself is one of the most amazing miracles ever given by God! I am so excited to meet this little boy!
Kent and Andrea
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